sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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