Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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