dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
