when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
