so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
