I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
