dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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