I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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