I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
