we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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