babies were throwing up all over the place
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
