You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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