You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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