My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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