Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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