Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
