hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
