Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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