So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
