it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
