shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
