Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
