Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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