Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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