yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
