everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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