I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize