Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
