im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
