Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Everyone says I win the strip club
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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