Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
