i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
