dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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