Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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