All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
