hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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