she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
