My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
