every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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