great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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