I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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