I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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