I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
