Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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