I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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