Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
