My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
