I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
