he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize