He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
