Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
