I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
