Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
