I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
