and next time when you feel me up, do it right
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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