I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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