Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
