So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize