i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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