If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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