I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
