you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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