I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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