Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can I color on your dick again?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
