Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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