What a fucking waste of an outfit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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