Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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